Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
