We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
