That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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