ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
