Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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