Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
