I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
