i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
