my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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