Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You ruined the universe
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
