He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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