i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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