You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
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