Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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