the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
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A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
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You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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