Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
