I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize