dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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