I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
