Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
