it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
