happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
