happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
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