I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
