This is not my ceiling
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
My penis needs a shock collar
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
