all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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