she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
