If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
