I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
