I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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