No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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