You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
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The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
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At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize