I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
