dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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