And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
