in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I see more hoeing in ur future
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