help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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