You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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