I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
me + whiskey = a bad person
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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