Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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