i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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