Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize