just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
