i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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