dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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