it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
