How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
