When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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