piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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