I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
