the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
