Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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