apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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