thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
