you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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