i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
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