I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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