Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
