Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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