she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
