So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
