it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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