This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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