apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
