I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
