I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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