Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
