Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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