Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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