some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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